The Many Faces of Survivors
- Ree Nitya
- 16 hours ago
- 3 min read
SEXESS
LinkedIn Articles
Awareness Series — The Many Faces
You don’t look like what people expect.
When most people picture a domestic violence survivor, they picture someone specific. Someone who fits a story they already know.
That picture is wrong. And it’s keeping real survivors from getting real help.
Survivors look like everyone. Because they are everyone.
The One Abused by Someone They Trusted
The student whose teacher crossed every line. The employee whose boss made work a nightmare. The child whose parent was the danger. The congregation member whose pastor used faith as a weapon.
Abuse by someone in authority is still abuse. Your trust was not the problem. Their behavior was.
The Professional
The doctor. The lawyer. The teacher. The executive. Competent at work. Falling apart at home. Too ashamed to tell anyone because nobody would believe it anyway.
Survivors have degrees. Survivors have titles. Survivors have corner offices.
The Student
Young. Just starting out. Already learning what love isn’t supposed to feel like. Trying to study while managing someone else’s emotions full time.
You deserved better before you even knew what better looked like.
The Man
Abused by a partner. Told to man up. Laughed at when he tried to report it. Carrying something nobody will let him put down.
Men are survivors. Men deserve help. We mean it.
The Elder
Abused by a child, a caregiver, or a partner of decades. Too dependent to leave. Too ashamed to tell.
Age is not a disqualifier from abuse. Or from help.
The LGBTQ+ Survivor
Told their abuse doesn’t count because it’s not a man and a woman. Threatened with being outed. Isolated from a community that was supposed to be safe.
Every relationship can become unsafe. Every survivor deserves support.
The Parent
Staying for the kids. Leaving for the kids. Trying to protect everyone while nobody protects them.
You were trying to hold everything together. That’s not weakness. That’s survival.
The One Who Looked Fine
Happy photos. Nice house. Supportive partner — publicly. Nobody knew. That was the point.
Abuse hides well. Survivors learn to hide with it.
The One Who Stayed
People who stay are not stupid. They are not weak. They are navigating danger, trauma bonds, financial dependence, fear, love, and a system that often makes leaving more dangerous than staying.
Stop asking why they stayed. Start asking why abusers abuse.
The One Who Went Back
Leaving an abusive relationship takes an average of seven attempts. Going back is not failure. It is part of a process that is genuinely dangerous to navigate.
We don’t judge the number of attempts. We support the journey.
The One Who Never Reported
Most survivors never report. The reasons are valid — disbelief, retaliation, system failure, shame, love, complexity.
You don’t have to have a police report to be a survivor. You just have to have lived it.
The One Who Thrived
Built something. Helped others. Became someone their abuser never wanted them to be. Still carries it. Carries it differently now.
Thriving is not forgetting. It’s choosing what comes next.
No More Secrets.
You protected them long enough. With your silence. Your shame. Your carefully constructed story about how things were fine.
They counted on that.
Tell your therapist. Tell your friend. Tell a hotline. Tell your journal. Tell a stranger on the internet if that’s what it takes.
You don’t owe anyone your silence. Tell on them.
Survivors look like everyone. Because they are everyone.
If this is you — we see you. If this is someone you love — now you know what to look for.
Sexess exists for all of it. Direct aid, no waitlist, no fixed capacity. Every dollar on a person, not a property. Free, judgment-free, and available regardless of financial circumstances.
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Ree Nitya
Founder of Sexess, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit breaking cycles of domestic violence and sexual assault in Spokane, WA, and Intimology, a relationship education platform. She holds 25+ certifications in relationship education, trauma-informed practice, and nonprofit management.
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